Friday, 18 February 2011

Annual Purrformance Review from the Cats...

Posky here, our friend Cody over at Cat Chat posted this review of his Mum and we decided it was high time we had our say on that strange woman we live with.

Quantity of Output
Posky: The problem here isn't quantity but quality as far as I can see it.  She writes a lot of drivel.
Pepper: I like it when she puts up a post about me.
Charlie: No, she puts up far too much about you Pepper.
Pepper: I feel nothing but compassion for you Charlie...
Charlie: And enough with the Buddhist crap!
Posky: Moving swiftly on... Mrs P would you like to add anything?
Mrs Pod: Well it would be better if she only posted about us wouldn't it? I think this blog suffers from an excess of diversification.
Other three: Eh???

Quality of Output
Posky: Hmmm, tough one this.  She does try with the photos (she's very trying), but I don't think she's caught my full gorgeousness on camera yet.  Did I tell you about the time I won those cups at the cat show...?
Charlie: Oh dear god he's off again.  Look, I'm sick of her shoving that camera in my face.  Next time she tries it I'm going to have it off her and bury it in the litter tray.
Pepper: Do you think you may have issues here Charlie?  I like the photos she puts up of me because I look pretty and everybody says so.  I think it's interesting when she talks about me and I wish she wouldn't put up photos of other things.  They're not interesting at all.  What's that photo of a candle about?
Posky: Back on topic here people!  Are we satisfied with the quality or not? What about you Mrs P?
Mrs Pod: I think she's ok with the photos, and the imagination isn't bad, although I don't think she captures the nuance of our thoughts accurately.
Pepper: (Whispers) What does 'nuance' mean?

Client Pawticipation
Posky: Well I think we're all agreed on this, we might as well live in a black hole for the amount of contact opportunities she gives us.  Show of paws? Yep, agreed, she's rubbish.  Next.

Posky: I didn't even know we could enter contests and go to parties.
All: General rumblings of discontent and revolution...  Pepper conspicuously wipes a tear from her eye.

Client Catisfaction
Posky:  Well given the limited exposure she gives us, what do we think?
Pepper: People like it when she posts a photo of me, they write and tell me.
Charlie: No they do not! Anyway, I don't think anyone likes this blog at all, and that's all I have to say on the matter.
Pepper: I am sending out loving thoughts to you Charlie because I still feel compassion for you and I think you're unhinged, can you feel them?
Charlie: You'll feel the back of my paw in a minute, you little...
Mrs Pod: SHUT UP! I think we can safely say that reactions are 'mixed'. She must try harder, she's got an MA for goodness sake, you'd think that would mean she could keep people interested for the length of a posting.

Overall Rating
Posky: I'd say two paws, and 'must do better'.
Pepper: Me too, and it would be better if the blog were called 'The Magic of Pepper'.
Charlie: Well I say two swats. I just like the violence.
Mrs Pod: I give her four paws.  She knows how to use the tin-opener.

Comment from Barbara: I feel shame.

For more cat reviews - some a great deal less critical of their poor slaves than this one got to The Cat Blogosphere.
More pets can also be found at the lovely Bozo's Pet's Foevever site.


Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

Ohhhhh you made me laugh so hard! Thanks for the shoutout!!! You are sooo funny!
We LOVE your blog!! Charlie you are soooo wrong, many, many people love your Mom's blog!! Her photographs are fantastic!
your Mom deserves a much higher rating!

jabblog said...

This is the second review I've read and in my opinion so far, all the cats have been very harsh on their humans. (I wonder what Winston would say?)

svh2 said...

This is NOT FUNNY! Those cats just don't seem to appreciate you! (Molly has just sided with them by stepping on the computer mouse and is now rubbing her head against my arm, trying to distract me, but this MUST BE SAID!) You are a wonderful human to those ungrateful brutes! Your photos are great and lots of people love you blog, so tell them to stick that in their litter tray and ... Well, you get the idea...

Penny (who is not going to allow her cats to even sniff a performance review, just in case...)

Rural View said...

I have a headache and was feeling quite put out this morning until I read this review. Now I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. Thank you very much Barbara, Posky, Pepper, Charlie, and Mrs. Pod. I appreciate all of you.

Barbara said...

I am very grateful for the support of fellow slaves here, not that it's made one iota of difference to the cats, I can but keep on trying... sigh.

Em said...

Ahah! I like it!

Your cats seem very good with the camera though. I can barely take a photo of the little one because each time she sees the camera she comes to stick her nose onto it...
Em (@c'est la vie!

Kali and Aswell said...

Wow! Maybe you cats do not getted enough livers! I likes livers!

So my She would maybe get a good review cuz she do has livers!

Angie, Catladyland/Katt Food said...

Hilarious! I think you deserve better than that. Drivel? Not so, my friend. This totally cracked me up. I am looking forward to following your blog!

i beati said...


Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

I think you are being too hard on your human--blogging isn't easy you know.

Stopping by from Pet Pride. Here's the link to ours if you get a chance to visit:

The Chair Speaks said...


Kay L. Davies said...

Hilarious. Tell your cats nothing much ever gets accomplished by a committee.
-- K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

Boo-Bah said...

This is so funny. Shame on the ungrateful cats. I love these reviews, this is the third one I've read and they are all so entertaining.
I am still laughing.

Julie said...

Well, you've got your work cut out for you, eh? Great post, you really made my morning. :)

Marie said...

Oh my, this was very funny! I needed a smile tonight and this was just perfect :-)

I would hate to think what my cats would have to say if they were rating me!



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